You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
