I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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