I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
