Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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