just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
