This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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