My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
