The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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