My liver just broke up with me...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
