WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
