I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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