Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
