Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
