God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
