apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
