Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Green mimosas i think yes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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