dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
