every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
