I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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