we have officially lost it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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