I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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