what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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