Cold hands, warm shart.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
