Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
