So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
