You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
