He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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