I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
