we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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