u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
