you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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