Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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