he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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