shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
