Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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