She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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