i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
