Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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