Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
