Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
