lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
