You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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