On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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