i may or may not be watching the land before time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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