I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
