She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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