so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
