i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
