Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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