I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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