Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
