Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
