I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sober January is a disaster.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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