remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How external is "for external use only"?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
