she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
