A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
