I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pooping to opera.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
