i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
