I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
