You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize