Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
