I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
