i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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