why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize