look no pants
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize