i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
