Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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