You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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