there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We left an ass print on the piano.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize