Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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