drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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