cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
