If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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