So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
