so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
