youre lurking in front of me
Jerry, you need to find god
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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