You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
