omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
