Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Less talking, more tequila
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
