Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
