he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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