Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
