sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
