so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
