I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
