recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
