fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
