It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
