Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
