Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
