if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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