Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
