i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Text me some of your sweat
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