Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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