We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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