I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
