so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize