she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
