ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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