remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
