I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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