i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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