you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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