Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
