Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
