her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
