Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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