The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I stole a fireplace last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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