I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
