How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
