This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
